Generally, I don't spend much time at McDonalds. However, you'll often find me here abusing the wi-fi privileges with a yogurt parfait if I'm between engagements. I have an hour before dance and it isn't worth the gas to go home... so here I am.
I just have no other choice but to blog about the bizarre-ness that I'm currently drinking in. I chose a nice, quiet corner to be alone in and quickly was joined by two elderly ladies having a little social get together. I'd say they're both in their 80's. One has a very southern voice and the other speaks in such a way I've never heard. Her voice is the sort that actresses fake while playing elderly villains for Disney cartoons. High pitched? Check. Nails on a chalkboard quality? Check. Sends chills of terror down your spine? Check.
My introduction to them began like this...
(said to me about my laptop... by the scary-voice) "Is that an i-pOd?"
(me) "no, ma'am, I wish it was!" (i could sell it on ebay for another laptop PLUS some ching!)
I thought that was funny enough... but their conversation has been super entertaining. Enjoy some bits, as I hear them...
(Scary voice)"There's no cream in my coffee! Did you get cream in your coffee? My coffee is black! Why wouldn't they put cream in my coffee. Do you have cream in your coffee? Is your coffee black?! ... let me go get some cream for your coffee..."
(Southern voice.... 30 seconds after her friend left, loudly...) "By golly- this IS black! There is NO cream in this coffee!"
(Southern voice... reading something, I'm not sure what) "Vendooor and son. Vendor and son. John Deer. Venndor and son. Vennndooorr and Son. John Deer. Hm."
(Southern voice) "it smells so fresh... especially the sheep!"
(Scary voice) "She has 29 kids and she's having another one!"
(Southern voice) "No she has 19 kids"
(Scary voice) "No... she has TWENTY NINE kids!!"
(Southern voice) "NO, she has 21 and she's having one more!" (what happened to 19??)
(Scary voice) "Maybe that's it. But I think she has 29 kids" (talking about the Duggar family, I believe)
(Scary voice) "My daughter said she's coming to see me tonight. She says if she isn't here by 10, she isn't coming."
(Southern voice) "Oh my... I could NEVER stay up til 10!!"
(Scary voice): "Last night I had spaghetti... and then I put clam chowder on top!!"
(Southern voice): "Mashed potatoes. I like mashed potatoes."
(Scary voice): "I know how to eat those... I put some water on top and stick them in the microwave!"
(Scary voice): "It's snowing!!!" (seriously, it isn't. there are flakes in the sky... maybbeee)
(Southern voice): "We'd better hurry up so we can make it home!"
(Scary voice): "No... maybe that's hail?"
(Southern voice): "it is REALLY coming down!" (It's not... I promise.)
(Scary voice): "We'd better stay here and wait it out."
(Southern voice): "I'm not waiting- I'm leaving before it's too late!"
(Scary voice): "It's 'cumulatin', we'd better wait til it quits!"
(Southern voice): "Welp. We're in Michigan!"
(Southern voice): "My coffee's too hot"
(Scary voice): "well drink it!"
(Southern voice): "No... did you put cream in it?"
(Scary voice): "Well... don't you DARE put sugar in it!!!!!"
And that's all I have time for today! Enjoy. They're really quite sweet... and somehow I see my future in this.
In other news, tonight I'm going to create my own Peppermint Mocha and Peppermint Hot Chocolate... Check back tomorrow night for the post!
Ps- Now they're fighting with a McDonald's team member about whether her uniform is khaki or green. This girl doesn't stand a chance.